iSavior

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Get the new iSavior from Eden Apple! Take all the best features of the iphone, ipad, ipod, and other iproducts and combine them with theology and you have something that the world has been waiting for!

The iSavior takes care of matching up authoritative Scripture with your currently held beliefs, taking out the stress and anxiety of having to do self-examination and change. Who wants to actually change anyway — change is for those other people.

The iSavior comforts you when your conscience convicts you. See a homeless person, don’t worry, the iSavior can step in and explain away why it’s ok to not do anything for or with them — they must be lazy, don’t you know.

The iSavior does what you want, when you want. Need a parking spot at the grocery store? Turn on the iSavior! What else would you want a Savior for anyway? If your personal Savior isn’t saving you some money at the store, what kind of savings is it anyway?

With the iSavior, you get to set the controls! It’s easy with both push bottom options and voice commands. You determine if you want your iSavior telling you something uncomfortable. You determine if you want your iSavior staying out of your finances, work, relationships, habits, and more. Who wants a Savior that messes up your life anyway?

Get the iSavior from Eden Apple. If it were any better, it’d be an idol.

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Originally published at laceduplutheran.com on March 6, 2019.