Pastor Matthew Best
1 min readJan 1, 2024

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I've had far too many similar "conversations" with people. My approach ends up being one of curiosity. Since these folks aren't actually interested in a conversation, but in being right, there is no point in the regular rules of equality in engagement. And if being right is most important, then I'm not actually being seen as a person, but rather a set of ideas to be defeated. And you can never win in such a situation. You'll only get frustrated. So I change the rules of the conversation. Instead I just ask questions to try to learn how a person came to their conclusions. I find that to be interesting. It also allows me to continue to see the humanity in someone who is attacking me for what I believe. It also changes the conversation from a debate about ideas to someone seeing someone else's humanity. At the end of such conversations it is often the case that I thank the person for their time and sharing about themselves. Usually they don't ask me questions, which I'm good with actually. But they know that I saw through their ideas and was curious about their humanity. Some times it takes a few clarifying statements and questions for the other person to understand that I'm more interested in them than their ideas that they are using as weapons.

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Pastor Matthew Best
Pastor Matthew Best

Written by Pastor Matthew Best

My name is Matthew Best. I’m an ELCA (Lutheran) pastor who attempts to translate church and churchy stuff into everyday language.

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