Lilith, I know I'm walking on sensitive ground here - especially me as a pastor. You would probably call me a liberal Christian, although I don't think I fit any label. At any rate, I read your post. I'm so sorry for whatever you have suffered at the hands of church. I can't even imagine. And sorry probably just doesn't cut it.

I was especially caught by your words about how so many Christians feel the need to protect Christianity at all costs. That doesn't make sense to me. Not what you are saying, but the idea of protecting the church at all costs. The church has caused great harm to many people and groups of people over a long period of time and still does today. That's the truth. And it's wrong. And it needs to stop.

When my last call ended in the fall, it was painful because of the toxicity that was going on. I needed time to heal. And I made a pledge to myself that I would not go back to a "normal" church, which means that I was open to the possibility that I would be done as a pastor. But here I am, starting a new call. But it's not in a "normal" church by any stretch of the imagination. And I'm grateful for that. I don't say that to convince you of anything. I hope I'm not stupid enough to try to argue you into anything or try to convince you of anything either. You gotta make your own decisions about life and beliefs.

I'm mostly writing to say that I appreciate your writings. They give me pause to do self-reflection, to reflect on the church and the brokenness that is systemic in it. To keep in mind the people who have been hurt, some of them find their way to where I serve now. It keeps me humble. It helps me to keep speaking up in the church for the changes that need to happen, for the reconciliation work that needs to take place, for the reparation that needs to happen. For so much more. For the letting go of destructive ideas and beliefs.

So thank you for sharing your insights. I really do appreciate it.