The Paradox of Control

There’s an interesting phenomenon that I’ve encountered over the years. I don’t know if it’s really a phenomenon or not, but it certainly is an interesting observation that conveys a truth.

I really grasped it when I saw it play out with people who are unhoused, as well as in economic poverty. I would watch and work with people who were unhoused, and I noticed that there were often two different directions that people would take in dealing with these situations when they were in them. The first direction is made of people who recognized their situation as not great and that what they were doing was not working, and so when they reached out for help, they let go of control, taking whatever direction and advice was offered with humility. They were humble about the situation recognizing that they didn’t know what they needed to do, so they were open to help and direction. And many of these folks would get the direction and help they needed and make necessary changes and actions, all the time being surrounded by people to support them, so they weren’t ever going it alone. These are the folks who would often be able to get out of their situations and get into housing and start to have a better life. Mind you, this direction is not easy. It’s really difficult. It requires a person to let go of the false notion that they are in control and that they know — two things that humans resist with a passion.

The other group tended to move in a different direction. They would recognize that their situation was not good and that what they were doing was not…